she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
