Can i not drive my cunt home
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
