he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
