You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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