I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
