Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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