So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
