I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
