Can i not drive my cunt home
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
