Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
