This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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