the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
