Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
