People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
