So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
