How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
