Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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