IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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