I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
