remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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