She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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