yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
