I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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