I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
