You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
