We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
