Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
