Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
