Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
