guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
