I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
