your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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