Do you still have your period?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
