Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
