Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
