I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
