Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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