addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
