just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
