You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
