we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
