Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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