Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
