Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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