that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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