i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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