I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
