this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
