in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
