I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
