sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
