we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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