woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
