My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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