Jerry, you need to find god
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mom said you looked used
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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