How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
