my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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